It feels like every single thing is terrible right now, and the only answer is to buy a chunk of land and go live there there with a bunch of like minded people. So we’re leaving. Just like everyone else wants to do.
Rural land. Nice people. Positive vibes. Cool robes. No poisoned salad bars.
We’re aiming to be the Apple of secretive devotional sects! Previous attempts have suffered from unclear goals, poor personnel management, and lots of mass suicide. Our goal is to streamline the process of veneration, and live long and happy lives. Away from people. We’ve put together some numbers to look legitimate:
It would be easy to use only free stock photography on this website, but we’re really focused on looking like a legitimate operation. So for every ten photos, two of them are our own.
We are 85% confident that people aren’t going to read this far, so it doesn’t really matter what this static represents. It’s just the idea that there is a number here that will put minds at ease.
This is the percentage of people who think they can be in the cult by giving us money. Those people are wrong. Giving us money just helps us make our own cult. It’s a sign that you think we’re doing something good.
Build a website that clearly outlines our plans to create a cult.
Solicit funds from the public to pay for our cult. These funds will be used to buy land and move far away from everyone to create our own personal utopia away from the bullshit of the world.
Spend the money we were given to make our own lives better.
Is this a joke? Is it a actual cult, or is a religion? Also, are you serious? Will we really take money? Will we spend it responsibly? Is this a shady as it seems? Does it seem shadier than anything else on the internet asking for money? Is this tax deductible? Is this even legal? You’re asking all of the right questions. You’re on the true path (this is a thing we think cults say a lot)
Our storyThis looks like a joke, but you can really buy this. We have them. You can have one too. We put the word “official” in there, because if you buy a Cult Life shirt from some one else, you’re supporting a fake cult. Not a real cult. Like ours.
Cult Life Cuffed Beanie
$20.00We don’t really have much else to say. I think we’ve spelled things out pretty effectively. We thought if we put one more section in here with the photos of attractive people, and some motivational words like you might find on a t-shirt in a yoga class, it would add some additonal credibility to this whole operation. So that’s what we did. We want to think this is what our cult would look like.